The word of the Lord came to me thus: before I formed
you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you,
a prophet to the nations I appointed you. 'Ah, Lord God!' I said,
'I know not how to speak; I am too young.' But the Lord answered
me, Say not, 'I am too young. To whomever I send you, you shall
go; whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, because i am with you to deliver you..... -jeremiah 1:4-7
i cannot escape this burning feeling in my heart....to just drop everything and go down and start a new life in texas, and helping Jenny with her church down there....especially after the hurricane.....ive felt it.....deep down, i know this is what ive been wanting to do ever since that day when He put it on my heart to go and be a leader somewhere.....go and make a difference....i dont know what i can do.....but i want it so bad......i always knew that if i didnt do anything with my life except talk about how amazing and wonderful God is then that would be enough....He is more than enough for me....my God, my All, i want so bad to be used for His glory and His name....but i am not worthy to do this.....i could never do this.....>.<
i have been falling to my old vices again......i wish i wasnt, but i do not seem to be able to controll myself anymore.....Satan get away from me.....i dont want to think this way...not anymore....not again....i cant......Lord guide my hand away from that which harms me and makes me feel ugly and stained.......i need you.....Lord God kill this side of me....destroy it with your fire and blood.......i dont want this.......keep your light in my sight God, overwhelm the darkness which defiles my soul, give me recognition of the beautiful and wonderful things You put here for me......Lord help me surrender my heart to You make me your humble servant....take the cloud away from my eyes and let me see......let me see you in all your glory......God when things get hard take me away from this place, give me peace of mind and heart......Lord Jesus, my life......let it be your will.....take me where you want me to go.....give me the courage to take your challenge............
>.< let me not dwell upon the cares and anxietys of this world....i lift it up to you in prayer....fill me with your peace.......help me not to care what other people think....what other people say im wasting my life with because You Lord God are not a waste of time...you created time itself....and my time here on this place is yours.....please give them understanding to how amazing you are and how important this is to me....i dont want to dissapoint them.....but i couldnt care less if its all for Your name.......
If Only.............
sometimes i wish i wouldnt care so much about pleasing people who seem to be impossible to please........i just want eyes for Him.....to please Him......
and now a poem by yours truly.....:
I didn’t mean to run from you
When you loved me, and held me in the dark
You knew the right words to say
You loved me in the night
But I turned and I ran away
Left your outstreched arms for what I thought was better days
And youre always there, telling me its okay, there when I don’t have the words to pray
You were crying when I left you, but you were smiling ‘take me back’
You give me all you can, but I got scared and then I ran
And no matter how hard I try, I cannot escape the pain in your eyes
And I didn’t mean to run from you
I was helpless in the night, til you were by my side
When I said I love you, I turned and ran away, but you know ill come back to you some day
Broken and abused
And ill be crying on my knees, how could I have used you
I didn’t mean to run from you
Id be better off dead, than hear the things I hurt you with
The ugly words I said…….
-Clare
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